Analysis: Heros and Heroines

Last weekend I went on a silent retreat at Gonzaga called Montserrat. Most of the retreats at Gonzaga are held at the GU owned retreat house, Bozarth, which is this huge old mansion up Division near Whitworth. Bozarth from front faces what looks like a normal neighborhood, but from the back you can see that it sits on the top of this hill overlooking this valley of wilderness. All the back windows are huge so that you can grasp the beauty of the views.

The mansion itself is a hide n' seekers dream: there are secret nooks and crannies, closets that have weird corners to hide in, servants quarters, a library, an attic, a basement, and of course, a legend about a woman named Conchita who haunts the place (who murdered her lover, his wife and herself in the place) made up by enthusiastic Freshmen Retreat leaders decades ago.

Anyways. 10 of us were up at Bozarth for silent retreat last weekend. I went on a run on Saturday down the hill into the valley. There's this great waterfall halfway down, and I went off the path and trekking through the woods a little to get to it. Finally, a trio of fallen trees with moss on them stopped me...I couldn't go under or over, so I just sat on them watching the waterfall for a little bit. At one point I heard and saw two men go by on the path, and I just kind of stayed hidden, thinking of all the adventure stories I had ever read that would start with exactly that sort of scene.

As I ran back, I got to thinking about all those heroes and heroines I've read for so long and what makes me really love one. Some people call it spunk, and other people call it gumption. Theres a host of other words: spirit, pizazz, vivaciousness, etc. I always look for it in my friends, and obviously in guys.

I feel like people qualify each other based on their intelligence, religion, or their sense of humor, or their conversation skills. But when I'm looking to spend time with someone, whether in a book or real life, I'm looking for something beyond all that. (Not that those things aren't important.) I'm looking for that something extra. The penchant to be fascinated. A wide spectrum of interest. A big perspective...and still so much more. It comes down to one of those moments when I have to admit my sub-par abilities as an articulator, and admit that language, once again has failed to capture my meaning.

The really sad thing is that I know a good amount of girls with it, but much fewer guys. Maybe that's why a book is more likely to have female heroine instead of a hero. I've only met a few men that possess that certain something, and only once has it meant a meeting, a sort of partnership of those...somethings.

Maybe that's why I'm so particular about character development in novels and film. And even more particular in my personal life. I have high standards. And if I can't define what I want, how can I look for it?

Let It Snow! (And other Gonzaga Christmas wishes)

Why won't it snow?! Arghhhhhhhhhh! it's so cold here in Spokane, I can't stand it! My face and my hands are constantly stinging from my dry, chapped skin that I can't seem to stop even with my magical swedish formula lotion. At least if it snowed, the 0 degree weather would be semi-worth it, but it hasn't.

So basically, i'm stuck wearing my scarf tucked into my hat so that I go everywhere looking like a bandit: the new GU trend I'm going to start.

One trend I'm really annoyed with right now is the Gonzaga representation on Twitter. I know that twitter is the trend right now, and basically, the reason I have one is to network for jobs, get discounts on airfare, and be able to read headlines of the New York Times and Publisher's Weekly in the same minute. (And of course, find out what's on Taylor Swift's mind, because we seriously would be best friends. But that's beside the point.)

But in the last few months, two twitters have popped up called ThatGonzagaGuy and ThatGonzagaGirl. They're totally anonymous, with silhouettes for pictures and no hints as to their identities. ThatGonzagaGuy was following me briefly, so I checked them out.

I was not impressed. Actually, maybe ThatGonzagaGuy seems pretty okay.

But ThatGonzagaGirl thinks she's Gonzaga's own personal Gossip Girl, much to my amusement and...to be honest...embarrassment.

The commentary on our Gonzaga Community only represents us in the worse light: disdaining on people's outfits, calling the girls from GU who make it onto collegehumor.com skanks, and my personal favorite: asking for a little more class, which I find highly ironic.

She idolizes the fictional character from the CW television show down to the very language she employs, such as: "Spotted: the classic senior couple on the rocks?" Please enlighten me as to who the "classic senior couple" even is at Gonzaga? The only couple I could possibly guess to which you are referring (due to their leadership positions) is far from it...and you obviously don't understand the spirit of GU very well if you're indulging in behavior that belongs in cliche teen movies and junior high.

I just hate that there's this online person representing our school this way...the petty, gossipy behavior just makes me disgusted that this girl even goes to Gonzaga. The tweets make our school look like just any other...when what I love about us is the way that the people at GU are different. We aren't superficial. We don't have "popular" crowds, and everyone's kind to each other. I don't think there's anywhere I else that I would just leave my backpack in the middle of campus for an hour and come back to find it completely okay. Those people who have the most friends and are the most involved are those that are friendly, kind and open. Yes, we go out and yes, on rare occasions, someone dresses a little sketchy. But we keep the parties to the weekends and most people are decked out in jeans and northface on a daily basis. We aren't a party school, and all the girls aren't in need of "classy" advice on tight dresses, cut-up t-shirts and headbands.

If you want to be a gossip girl, just take the name of my school out of your handle, because I'm ashamed for you to be "scene" on our campus. (http://twitter.com/ThatGonzagaGirl)

If it kills me...

A week of school has gone by and still, every morning I wake up, faintly surprised to find that all of this was not just a dream. Maybe Senior year wasn't ideal for choosing to change roommates, or to start so many new things, but when I ask myself if I regret rising to the occasion, the answer is always no.

Living with Alyssa and Kelley has been great so far. Alyssa and I have our beds temporarily bunked, before we get our room completely set-up, and every time one of us rolls over, or gets in bed, or wakes up, the other can feel it. Luckily we wake up at the same time almost every day...8 on the weekdays and later on the weekends. We're glad its us in the same room, and that Kelley has her own, since every morning we open the door to find that she's made her bed and gone, our resident early bird, catching the worm. Having 3 cooks in the house is far to our benefit...we eat far too well for our age and status, but I can't say that we don't enjoy it.

Yesterday Alyssa and I woke from our respective Friday nights tired and exhausted. As I came out brushing my teeth, Marvin Gaye suddenly echoed throughout the house, and she and I had a teeth-brushing, toe-tapping dance party in the middle of our living room to Let's Get It On before going to Ultimate Bagel to visit Erin at work. We spent the day watching Hello, Dolly! and doing homework. I really don't think there have ever been roommates better suited to each other.

Faber House duties are so far wonderful...everyone thinks the house is adorable, we're a huge hit with University Ministry, and our first event went great today. Our Mass on the Grass was well-attended and struck by a storm that miraculously unleashed winds of Heavenly Power at all the right moments, and held the rain until right after.

A group of us hung around after and the two most beautiful rainbows arrived over Lake Arthur, and when we looked to the left, the two of them perfectly framed the spires of St. Al's. It's hard to know that I'm leaving in moments like that.

Life is pretty normal: my classes are good, my weekend was a blast, my graduation application is due, and I received my first parking ticket of the year, hoo-ray. But each day I feel as if something's missing, and I don't know if I just miss everyone who graduated or if it is something in me I'm trying to find. I just can't make myself believe that I'm here, that college is coming to a close, that the news of engagement after engagement arriving each day isn't a joke, that I'm not a little kid anymore.

A Blonde, a Brunette and a Redhead...

In exactly one month, school begins again.
I love the irony that as a child, I couldn't wait for summer, and now, as an adult, I can't wait for fall. It will be my last year of college, and I can't shake off my mounting excitement, a premonition that this year to come will be the stuff of legends.


This is mostly due to specific expectations I have: this year, I'll be living in the University Ministry retreat house, aka Blessed Peter Faber House. The house is a small, adorable little thing, located smack in the middle of campus. It is the spot where all the retreats meet, a hospitality house, where my duties consist of making cookies and making sure groups feel comfortable at their meetings. One of the best parts is that for the first time in my life, I have a position that will allow me to actually make a change, affect lives, even in a small way.

The most exciting aspect of living in Faber is my roommates, the sweet and sensible Miss Kelley Hickey, and the mischievous and creative Miss Alyssa Harvey. The 3 of us together could be a Cover Girl commercial, or the Charlie's Angels...the classic Blonde, Brunette and a Redhead. Kelley and I applied together, and were delighted to find Alyssa with us...for the last few years, only two people have lived in Faber, so we'll be a little squished, but this almost makes me more excited. Growing up with 4 brothers has given me an enormous penchant for female dominated abodes. I've never had a sister, and I know that next year will be like one eternal sleepover.

The great part about my roommates is what we have in common. An adventurous spirit. A big perspective. A delight for the absurd, an enchantment with class and beauty, an ambitious heart and mind. We even share style, with our combined weakness for big pashminas and a slightly european look.

When I discovered Kelley a year ago, it was only weeks before she was one of my best friends, a life-long kindred spirit. We're alike in all the right ways, in faith, and values...lovers of travel, books, wine and even vernacular that matched. Too often I found myself neglecting favorite words of mine with friends because I knew they wouldn't know what they meant, but with Kelley, I can be delightfully myself. I've never known someone to be so incredibly supportive of me, in every way. Soon I had introduced to her my brother David, and now they've been together for 7 months...quite the accomplishment. Her red hair and memorable name have made her a big presence on campus, and being her friend has created a separate world in my life, where anything, any dream is possible.


I knew who Alyssa was vaguely for quite a time before I got to know her, (actually it was the same with Kelley) but it was through our Poetry creative writing class that I actually came to see who she was. After Michelle told the 3 of us we'd be living together and I began to dig past the surface with her, I couldn't believe how wonderful it was for us to be so lucky.With a demeanor that seems at first merely sweet, Alyssa constantly surprises me with her devilish attitude and mysterious ways. She has an aptitude for dorky things that used to be cool, and somehow makes them likable again. She's a talented writer and a theater rat, starring as Jane in the upcoming Gonzaga production of Pride and Prejudice. Her room's a mess, just like mine, which seems to be only another sign of her eccentric genius.

Somehow I have the feeling that the three of us together in that house will create a world I'll never want to leave. It is as if I have had ingredients for something my entire life, and now I know what dish they're for and what else they'll go with best, down to the very last spice.

I don't know what Michelle and Fr. Hightower are doing to the house, but I know that they've revamped it over the summer for us. We've talked a lot about making the most of our space, maybe making the basement into some sort of den, wine cellar or creative space. I'll be sharing a room with Alyssa, and in that tiny house, I know big adventures will begin.

I have all these ambitions: I want to throw a Great Gatsby party, I want to have wine nights and book readings. I want a space where I want to create, and so will others. I want a place to feel safe, a place my other friends will be always dropping in and never wanting to leave. I want to run a Woman's Retreat...So many aspects of women's lives that need attention are ignored by all the different outreaches at our school. The talks would address specific issues...sex, self-esteem, even abortion. So many girls I know feel that they go through these things alone in college, and I want to make Faber the place they'll stop by, feel welcome.

I already knew that I wouldn't want to leave Gonzaga once I graduated, because the community I've built there has been so incredibly wonderful, but now I know that when I leave Faber, for the second time in my life, I'll be leaving home.

Its hard to believe that I spent so much of last year dreading that half my friends would be graduating, when I've made so many new ones and can't wait to make more. I want to know my class better, as well as the classes beneath me. It's my last year and I want to make the most of it, fill it with everything I love and fulfill a purpose while I'm at it.

I just know that this year, I'm going to dream big.
And I never want to stop.